The Day Tony Stark Becomes Ironman and Batman
by Aonani
Summary: He had one job. Read the card and get the hell out of there. Rhodey didn't ask for him to blurt out that he's Ironman and then the Batman stunt? He's gonna kick his ass all the way back to Afghanistan, but that's if Bruce doesn't get to him first. He probably will. Fast bastard. Oneshot.


**A/N: I am just full of oneshots.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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"There's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop so.." Tony Stark lightly scratched the corner of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, but do you honestly expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared, despite the fact that—" Christina raised an eyebrow.

"I know that it's confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm, uh, a superhero." He looked at anywhere but her.

"I never said you were a superhero." A smirk on her face.

"Didn't?" Tony mentally smacked himself twice.

"Mm-mm." She shook her head, her smirk widening.

"Well, good, because that would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public." He cleared his throat and looked down at his cards.

"Just stick to the cards, man." Rhodey whispered in his ear and Tony bit his lip briefly.

"Yeah," He whispered back and looked back at the crowd. "Truth is..." He stared down at the card and paused.

He slowly looks back up and puts down the cards, "I am Iron Man."

The crowd goes into an uproar. He ignores the questions being asked in unison and holds up his hands, asking for silence.

When they do not listen he scans the crowd briefly and sighs, "And Batman."

That completely shuts up the crowd and everyone is left speechless.

**AAA**

"I'm going to kill him Alfred."

"Of course, sir."

"I'm going to kidnap him, break his legs, and force him to walk home."

"Dully noted, Master Wayne."

"I'm serious." Bruce Wayne deadpanned as he glanced away from the t.v.

"When are you not, sir?" Alfred smiled behind his cup of tea.

"What the hell was he thinking?" Bruce ran a hand through his gelled back hair.

"Not much, sir." Alfred grabbed the remote and turned it off.

"Why would he do that?" Bruce got up and began to pace.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Why would I ask?" That deadpanned tone. Alfred almost rolled his eyes.

"He cares for you Master Wayne. The attention will be on him and you will be out of the spotlight." Alfred put down his cup and gave Bruce a look that says 'I dare you to argue.'

"Well he's doing a horrible way of showing it." Bruce snorted and stopped pacing.

"But he's showing it none the less." Alfred smiled and his eyes twinkled.

**AAA**

Tony Stark usually did not feel guilty.

But this was one of those times that he did.

He sat on Bruce Wayne's bed and bit at his lip, though not hard enough to make it bleed.

He crosses and uncrosses his legs and he just can't sit _still_. Alfred has told him that Bruce wanted him to wait for him in his room.

He'd been waiting for 45 minutes. And that's how Tony knows he's in deep shit. He practically jumps when he sees Bruce enter through the door with a pokerface.

He's definitely in deep shit.

"I know how to disable a nervous system. You have five minutes to tell me why I shouldn't disable _yours_." Bruce doesn't bat an eyelash.

"Because you love—" Tony gulps at the glare. "Okay, no jokes. Sorry."

"What were you _thinking _Anthony Stark?" Bruce hissed and walked up to the Ironman.

"About your well being?" Tony responded and then clamped his mouth shut.

"Why?" Bruce sighed.

"I think it's cool acting as two super heroes." Tony didn't exactly answer him.

"Batman is a vigilante." Bruce reminded dryly.

"Same thing." Tony waved him off.

"Gotham is going to be out for your blood." Bruce grimaced.

Tony raised an eyebrow, "Don't you save lives?"

"The police hate me. So do the criminals." Bruce chuckled humorlessly.

"So you're saying I just put a big, red target on myself."

"You finally got the big picture. Good boy." Bruce retorted and pat Stark's head. Said billionaire swatted his hand away.

"I doubt they believed me on the Batman part though." Tony pouted.

"Yeah but some criminals are too stupid and just want to kill someone," Bruce rubbed his temples. "Be thankful the Joker is in Arkham."

Tony shivered and frowned, "Please don't mention him. I don't like the fact he recited a damn _poem_ to me on national television."

"It was sweet." Bruce snorted.

"Not sweeter than that time you—"

"Finish that sentence and I will definitely disable your nervous system." Bruce sat next to him.

"Then we can't be Billionaire bros." Tony pouted once more and gave him the puppy eyes. Bruce groaned and looked away,

"I have to ask Pepper to teach me how to not fall for that." He gave him a side glare.

"I'll convince her to not teach you."

"Convince her with what? A new car?" Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for the suggestion. She'll be happy for the rest of her life."

"That's if she doesn't throw herself off a building since you announced yourself to be both Ironman _and _Batman." Bruce scowled.

"Pepper wouldn't—Okay she would actually." Tony blinked.

"I thought superheroes were supposed to hide their identity." Bruce smiled.

"I'm not pulling a Superman or Spiderman, to hell with that," Tony scoffed. "If I'm gonna do something good then I better get thanked for it."

"You were also thanked for creating weapons of mass destruction." The Batman pointed out.

"Buzz off, gel-freak."

"Names? How mature, Anthony."

"Says the man who won't admit that he's a homosexual." Tony shot back.

"I'm not a homosexual. Only man I have feelings for is you." Bruce grumbled.

Tony grinned, "Well that's good news. But that still means you're gay."

"You're sleeping on the couch."

"But there's like eighty five guest rooms in this flipping house! Can I at least have a bed?"

"Don't question the Batman, Anythony Stark."

"See, you're just as immature as I am!" Tony accused.

"I know, and I'm enjoying it."

At least Tony got a goodnight kiss.


End file.
